


We fell apart, just to fall back together

by SiwgrGalon



Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, New Relationship, Romance, mcpriceley, more like getting back together, past mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:17:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiwgrGalon/pseuds/SiwgrGalon
Summary: In which Connor and Kevin haven't spoken in three, nearly four, years. But when they do, and when reasons, fears and pasts are revealed, things take a turn neither of them dared to dream of. 
  ‘You should’ve just… said something. Anything, and I wouldn’t have been so pissed off.’
  ‘At that point, when I got everything sorted and thought I might be able to do this, you were already pissed off and bitchy towards me.'





	

The message had come out of the blue. Well, if Kevin had even gotten a message.

All that had happened was that one Connor McKinley had updated his Facebook status, saying he was travelling to New York City. 

Simply reading ‘Big Apple I’m coming for you’, followed by a heart emoji, it had made Kevin’s heart skip a beat during his lunch. Another two beats and he’d opened the messenger window. Another three, and he’d sent a simple message asking whether the former district leader wanted to meet up.

The answer had been nearly instant.

‘Sure thing! I’ve got comps to a friend’s show on Weds – wanna come? (:' 

Not needing to think twice, Kevin had agreed on the spot, which brought him here tonight, standing outside a theatre and waiting for McKinley.

It had been so long – three years, nearly – since they’d last seen each other. Yet when he'd arrived, it was as if nothing had changed. Connor had filled his frame a little more, maybe, but he looked more or less the same still: all red hair, slim hips and perfect posture, accentuated by dark skinny jeans and a simple white shirt.

He’d even done that funny thing where he stuck the tip of his tongue between his teeth while scanning the crowd. As he spotted Kevin, he’d given him a little wave before making the way over.

Which brought them to here, sitting in the theater bar five minutes later. Awkward introductions and ‘hi’s and ‘how are you?’s out of the way, the conversation began to flow, even if just a little.

‘So, political journalist at the New York Times, hm?’

Kevin just inclined his head in response, but he couldn’t quite keep the excited grin of his face.

‘After graduating in the top 2% of Emerson College and a freelance job at the Globe, yes.’

‘Oh wow, that’s amazing!’

The redhead looked excited, leaning forward a little in that way he’d always done in Uganda, when he really wanted to pay attention to one specific Elder.

‘Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised, should I? You were always meant for great things, and you were always such an ambitious overachiever.’

Slightly awkwardly bumping Kevin’s arm with his fist, he leaned back to rest his chin on his left hand, his gaze intently fixed onto the other man.

‘Yeah, but it’s not like you’re doing badly, considering you’re living the jet set life already.’

The former missionary tried with all his might, but he couldn’t quite stop the bitterness from seeping into the last few words. He only hoped Connor wouldn’t pick up on it.

Going by the little chuckle, he didn’t, or he tried to overplay it.

‘Well, I’m living in London for the moment. I went to audition for something else entirely, was turned down, and a few weeks later received a call from my agent saying they wanted me to come to a workshop.

‘After that, they said they wanted me to open the show in London, if I was ready to move abroad.

‘So, considering I had nothing much holding me here except Poptarts and Mr Mistoffelees, I naturally accepted, and now I'm spending six days a week playing Gabe in Next to Normal.

‘But really, that was just luck. Otherwise I’d probably be waiting tables, or doing admin or something.’

Trust Connor to still be humble, even when he so obviously made an impression on someone. Even with his limited knowledge of the matter, Kevin had seen the other man’s talent years ago, and it came as no surprise (but a great relief) that other people did so, too.

‘And now I’m back in New York, for a week.' 

‘Yeah, and you’re only seeing me tonight.’

Kevin sounded petulant to his own ears, but he felt like he had every right to be. After everything that had happened after they’d been back in the States, a whole host of other reactions would have been possible.

Petulant was probably the best option for all of them.

‘What can I say, Kevin, I’m busy.’ A small smile graced Connor’s face as he ran a hand through his hair, ruffling the red strands a little before petting them back in place.

He’d always been so careful about his hairstyle in Uganda, Kevin thought, they all had, even after the split; it had only loosened in their very last months, and subsequently in the US. Seeing the former district leader so obviously relaxed around him assured him that, for all that had transpired, they still seemed to be good. 

‘I’m only here for a week, but I’ve got meetings. And I’m spending time with Poptarts and meeting some of the guys from college and all.’

There was something else, though, bubbling up in Kevin. Annoyance. Anger, maybe. He’d missed Connor, gosh darn, and here he was, visiting New York and behaving as if it hadn’t been a big deal.

Kevin had _really_ missed him these past years, even more so since the redhead left the city just a week before the former missionary arrived. At the time, it had felt like he was fleeing from Kevin, and the realization had stung; now that Connor was sitting in front of him, he felt that sting again.

‘Yeah, but you’re not even staying at mine! You should’ve just rang and said you’re coming, and you could’ve lived with me for the week.’

The little sigh spilling over the other man’s lips was not a good sign, Kevin thought. Sighs were hardly ever good with Connor, at least when they sounded like this, with no trace of relief or even just a hint of satisfaction.

‘Poptarts is my best friend and he was kind enough to adopt Mr Mistoffelees for the time being.’

He looked at Kevin, biting his lip as if deep in thought. When he next spoke, there was the slightest of sad tinges to his voice.

‘And we don’t speak much, do we? We haven’t really spoken at all in the last what, three years.’

‘Three and a half, maybe nearly four.’

Just like that, the anger, the hurt, the sadness at apparently losing Connor, losing their friendship, whatever else they had, spilled over. 

‘And why didn’t we speak?’

All he got in response was Connor shrugging his right shoulder. It wasn’t nonchalant, not really. Kevin could see the redhead’s discomfort, but something about the gesture still made him snap.

‘You just stopped messaging me, or answering my messages, and I didn’t know why, Connor. I didn’t know what was going on, or why it was going on.

‘All I know that one day, we were going on dates, or at least I thought that was we were doing, and once we went back to college after that week in Salt Lake that summer, there was nothing.’

All the hurt, all the anger bubbled up again. Kevin could feel it pulsing through his veins, felt like he did all those years ago, still over the moon, just to realize that none of his messages were returned. 

No texts. No WhatsApp messages. No calls. No messages on Facebook, or Skype, or anything. The redhead had even ignored his calls. So Kevin had reduced the frequency, until he stopped altogether.

Across from him, Connor just kept his eyes trained on the other man, calm and collected as always.

‘I don’t know,’ he said, his voice weirdly quiet. As if he was ashamed.

‘My gosh, I… I thought your parents liked me, Connor. You _said_ your parents liked me, and my parents loved you, and then you just stop reacting, leaving me in the dark.’

‘They did,’ Connor starts, before gesturing for Kevin to finish his sentence. It’s not like him to interrupt people, and Kevin can see a slight flicker of guilt in the other man’s eyes as he gestures for him to continue.

‘It’s just… I was stressed, okay? Really stressed.’

Listening to Connor, Kevin’s eyebrows slowly rose on his forehead.

He could see the answer for what it was – a cheap escape, and easy way out. The former District Leader had never been a convincing liar, despite his penchant for acting, and it didn’t look as if things had changed. Pretending, yes – after all he had, for years, pretended to be straight and that seemed to have been working out – but when it came to lying, Connor had never been particularly gifted.

‘Stressed?’

The young man’s eyebrows rose even higher. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Connor, because Kevin knew what stress could make you do or forget, but the other man’s stress seemed to have only made him forget a single person.

‘But you liked stuff on my social media. Like, not to tell you what you can and can’t do, but… really?’

Still fixing him with that indecipherable look, Connor ran his hand through his hair once more. Kevin knew it was a displacement activity, and one that often betrayed a certain level of discomfort, but that didn’t stop him from steamrolling ahead.

‘Like, don’t get me wrong, it’s your choice, but if you had the time to go through Facebook and Twitter and like stuff, and comment on other people’s things – because I saw you doing that on Arnold’s and some of the other guy’s posts – you could totally just have sent me a message.

‘I mean… was it really worth that little to you? Did I, and the relationship or whatever it was we had, mean that little to you?’

A few times, Connor looked as if he wanted to interrupt, wanted to stop Kevin, yet he never did. The redhead had always been courteous and polite, something which his opposite took full advantage of during his little rant.

‘Of course it didn’t!’

It never failed to amaze Kevin how Connor could express a whole lot of things without raising his voice. If anything, he lowered it, as if suddenly hyperaware that they were having their discussion, fight, whatever it was, in a public space, and that curious ears might pick up on things.

‘It meant a lot. But Kevin, I… just please believe me when I say I was strung out, and I absolutely couldn’t.' 

‘But why? Just give me a reason, one reason, why you couldn’t drop me a quick message instead of liking or whatever. One message, even if you would’ve wanted to call it off!’

‘I didn’t want to! That was the last thing I wanted.’

‘So you just ghosted me, or what? It hurt, Connor.’

Silence descended as Connor just looked at Kevin, the hand cushioning his hand now covering his mouth. For a minute, that’s all they did, just looking, gauging, before the redhead took a deep breath and slowly ducked his head, averting his eyes.

‘I had a depressive episode, okay? I needed help, and I didn’t have any energy to face you, because I was ashamed and afraid of what you’d think.'

Following Connor’s confession, Kevin hadn’t known what to say to that, so he’d just looked at the other man, waiting for clarification, for anything.

‘And yes, my parents did like you, Kevin. As… as a friend. They loved you as my friend, but they pretty much stopped liking you, and me, the moment I came out to them. Again.’

Kevin hadn’t expected tears, so when a few escaped Connor’s eyes, the young man was at a loss of what to do. Should he hug him? Offer some comfort? This was surprisingly hard, but even if it took some of Kevin’s anger away, the hurt remained.

‘Oh, gosh, Con… you should’ve told me, honestly. Just a line, anything, to stop me from worrying, from doubting everything and anything, from being heartbroken and lovesick.’

‘I couldn’t Kevin, I genuinely couldn’t.’

With a deep breath, Connor sat up a little straighter, wiping away tears and once more meeting Kevin’s eyes.

‘And this isn’t about you, for once. Well, it kind of was, because I had no energy to face you, and just the thought made me feel awful, but most of all, I had to… don’t know, come to terms with myself and my brain and being gay and all of it.’

That stung, but he was right, Kevin thought; trust Connor to bring Kevin Price back to reality when he’s acting high and mighty.

In his lap, the redhead’s hands were knotting and wringing each other, as if he was resisting the urge to touch his hair, his neck or do anything that might resemble self-soothing.

‘I loved that week,’ he started, quietly.

‘I loved every minute of it, even more than I loved visiting you in Boston, or you coming up to New York. And yes, of course we were dating, or steady, or whatever, but… I don’t know. I wasn’t all that comfortable with myself, I guess, and I wasn’t feeling particularly great most of the time, but thought it’d pass.

‘But when you were back and I came out to my parents – when we were at the airport, too, so I could flee to New York if they kicked me out or something, that just… sealed the deal. I mean, they're kinda okay with it now, at least my mum is; my dad's still struggling, but back then, it was just too much.

‘I was ashamed and grappling with my homosexuality, which according to my therapist isn’t all that unexpected considering how I grew up, but it just… I couldn’t contact you, okay?

‘And I’m so, so sorry, but don’t believe you were the only one who was hurt in this.’

In the resulting silence, Kevin didn’t know what to think. It was all so confusing, the anger mixing with joy at seeing Connor again, and then this… it was like a rollercoaster, just a little. And the night’s show hadn’t even started yet.

‘Wait, you have a therapist?’

Connor visibly bristled at the way Kevin voiced his question, but remained as polite as ever, if maybe a little more soft-spoken than usual.

‘Theoretically, yes. I finished therapy before going abroad, but I have an emergency contact in London and I catch up on the phone every eight weeks or so.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

‘You should’ve just… said something. Anything, and I wouldn’t have been so pissed off.’

‘At that point, when I got everything sorted and thought I might be able to do this, you were already pissed off and bitchy towards me.’

At that, Kevin just looked at Connor, noting how he still seemed to struggle with holding back tears and obviously trying to rein himself back in.

True, there had been a message from his former District Leader, a good nine, ten months after he first went silent. His own reaction to the contact left Kevin internally cringing – he really hadn’t been the most forthcoming, at the time, to put it mildly.

He was pretty sure his answers had been monosyllabic at first, and he definitely knew he’d lashed out at Connor not three minutes in, after which there had been more silence.

The guilt didn’t come as much of a surprise at this point, not as the young man looked at McKinley who seemed anything but particularly angry. Defeated, maybe, insecure or weary, but not angry.

‘Do you… I don’t know, would you like a hug?’

Connor looked hesitant for just a second, before nodding. 

‘Yes, please.’

It was awkward at first, as if none of them was fully sure on how to do this, how to react. But as his position – leaning forward on a high bar stool – forced Kevin to stand up or topple over, the remaining distance between them became smaller for just a second.

That was all the prompt they needed, it seemed, because suddenly, Connor’s arms were wrapped that little big tighter around Kevin. The young man could feel the redhead take a deep breath, and he took it as a prompt to murmur a simple ‘I’m sorry’.

The inevitable interruption came in the form of a voice from the PA, announcing the house was now open and prompting the friends to separate. 

‘Let’s go and find our seats,’ Kevin said, turning towards the doors. 

He only got two steps away, until a hand caught his. As he turned around, he looked into Connor’s wide eyes, curiosity and a hint of worry evident in them. 

‘Wait. Kevin, are we okay? As in… are we friends, again? Or whatever it was we were?’

The sincerity in Connor’s voice made something in Kevin’s heart twitch and miss a beat, and he hoped the smile on his face didn’t look too dopey. 

‘Yeah, sure. We’re good. Let’s call it a clean slate, okay?’

If the redhead’s face was anything to go by, he was just as happy as Kevin at the turn of events. The young man felt an unusual warmth in his belly, and a tiny hint of satisfaction sparking just below. Not even their hands separating as Connor hopped from his perch to lead the way could change that.

Kevin didn’t dare dream, but maybe, just maybe, they had a chance after all. He wasn’t sure whether it was right, or too early, or if Connor was even still interested, but gosh darn, Kevin Price was not one to easily give up.

Besides, he had at least two more hours in which he might be able to find out at least a little bit about his chances.

And if it wasn’t meant to be, he’d still have one of his best friends back.

The theatre was small. So small that their third-row seats, nearly smack in the middle, could’ve been advertised as on stage seating. Not to mention they were the furthest row back, too.

But it was cozy, and already feeling weirdly familiar, with its bench seats and intimate atmosphere.

Next to Kevin, Connor was a little fidgety, as if he couldn’t quite get comfortable. The blond hoped it wasn’t because of him, or if it was only for good, exciting reasons, but he still felt like some distraction was needed.

‘Hey, you know what? We should take a pic, as proof.’ 

He knew he probably sounded way too excited, but going by the way Connor turned big, blue eyes towards Kevin, an oh-so-familiar spark betraying the playfulness the younger man liked so much, it was just what was needed.

The resulting selfie was, if Kevin said so himself, rather cute: their heads tucked close together, matching smiles on their faces, they could’ve been best friends as much as a couple.

It was a very nice picture, and it only deserved to go on Facebook. He felt Connor leaning over to try and read the caption, only to let out a frustrated noise when Kevin teasingly twisted and turned to make it harder.

‘Stop being so nosy,’ he jokingly chided Connor.

‘But I wanna know what awful things you have to say about me.’

‘If you insist. But don’t laugh, it’s soppy’ Kevin sighed, dramatically, before adding some more flair into his voice as he read out his post. 

‘London needs a break before Prince Harry falls in love with him and causes a minor international scandal, so tonight I’m finally reunited with my favorite handsome, talented wannabe-Brit.’

He finished just as the house lights went down, but the cute little giggle Connor put a large, and yes, maybe soppy, smile onto the young man’s face. So the redhead didn’t seem to mind all that much, which allowed for some hope to spark inside Kevin, manifesting in a little flame spreading warmth throughout his body.

The interval came quicker than expected – definitely making a case for the show – and suddenly, the former missionary was back to being insecure again.

Yes, they’d agreed on a clean slate, but suddenly, he didn’t know what that meant. At which stage were they? Were they friends? Romantic interests? Dating?

Kevin needed a second to think, to order his thoughts, and there was one easy way out.

‘Do you want something to drink?’

As soon as he said it, it sounded stupid to his own ears, but Connor just smiled and nodded.

‘If you’re offering… would you mind just bringing me back some water? But only if you’re not just doing that for me!’

Never one to make a fuss, Kevin thought, as he made his way into the bar. Upon his return to the nearly empty auditorium, he had to stop in the doorway to take in the sight of Connor McKinley bowed over his phone, a stupid little grin on his face.

If he squinted, Kevin thought he could make out the classic Facebook color scheme, but as soon as he made his way over, Connor turned his attention away from the screen and towards his companion.

‘Thank you.’

He graciously accepted the cup of water, turning towards Kevin as the other man sat down.

‘So, do you like it?’

‘Yeah, it’s pretty great! I should go watch more theater, I guess,’ the young man mused between sips of his soda, taking in the way Connor eagerly nodded.

‘But, something else. sorry if this is stupid, and please tell me if this is insensitive or you don’t want to answer.’

Blue eyes clouded over with something Kevin couldn’t quite describe, but the redhead made no attempt to stop him.

‘With your depression… are you feeling better now?’

Kevin could practically feel the relief coming off Connor in waves, as he nodded and a small smile returned to his face. 

‘I am, actually. In fact, we’re reducing my medication dosage, for the second time, and it looks as if I might be anti-depressant-free fairly soon.’

There was a hint of pride in his voice, and the blond felt the warmth return, accompanied by a sense of elation. It wasn’t even directly related to him, but he felt happy for the other man. 

‘Wow, that’s amazing!’

‘I know, right? I’m a bit scared that it’ll go wrong, but so far it hasn’t, which is apparently quite promising!’

In his sudden excitement, Kevin couldn’t resist hugging Connor again, much to the amusement of the couple next to them. Thankfully, it was (eagerly, the young man thought thought) reciprocated, and he used the opportunity to cuddle Connor just for a second.

If the blush suddenly covering his cheeks was anything to go by, the former district leader didn’t really mind the spontaneous display of affection.

But before either of them could say anything, the lights went down once more. Only this time, Kevin found his attention straying from the stage to the man at his side who sat completely engrossed, seemingly hanging on every word.

Where the first act had been mostly lighthearted and fun, the second half proved to be a bit more serious, downright acerbically cynic at times, but with plenty of heart. As such, it didn’t come as much of a surprise when, looking over once more, Kevin caught Connor silently shedding a tear or two.

He didn’t quite know how it happened, but suddenly, Kevin found himself with his arm carefully draped around Connor’s shoulders, the blonde’s heart beating fast in suspense. When the redhead, slightly hesitantly, nestled into his friend’s side, Kevin felt some tension seep from his body.

Hopefully his sigh hadn’t been too audible.

Before long, the show was over, frenetic applause filled the room and minutes later, they were making their way out onto the street.

New York had cooled down considerably, and Connor didn’t look all that prepared in nothing but his shirt; he hadn’t even brought a jacket. Funny, Kevin thought, considering London was probably worse.

‘Are you alright?’ 

Connor just nodded, his arms wrapped around himself and visibly trying to suppress a shiver. Kevin rolled his eyes.

‘You were always so prepared, Connor, what happened?’

‘I overestimated how warm it’d be,’ the redhead conceded, biting his lip.

‘Can we hurry a bit? I don’t think I should return with a cold.’ 

As the former district leader spoke, walking towards the crossing, Kevin was already digging into his satchel and pulled out a royal purple hoodie he usually kept in the office.

‘Would you like a jacket?' 

‘Oh, you’re too kind… thank you!’

Before the younger man had a chance of shrugging out of his thin summer jacket, Connor had taken the piece of clothing and began to pull it over his head.

‘Gosh, Connor, that probably smells a little sweaty and it definitely needs a wash… it’s been living in my office for a bit, I would’ve given you my jacket.’

As his head emerged from the sweater, Connor just shrugged his shoulders.

‘I don’t mind, really – you look good like that, you should keep your outfit as it is, in case someone important sees you,’ he said, smiling a little as he took an exaggerated sniff. 

‘And it doesn’t smell too bad, really. Don’t be such a fusspot!' 

There was a minute of silence as Kevin pressed the traffic light button, allowing some tension to grow between the two of them.

It was now or never, or so it felt, so Kevin stopped Connor by gently putting a hand on his arm. Immediately, the other man turned towards him, his eyes large and curious.

‘Connor… can I kiss you? Again, kinda?’

The resulting blush shooting into the redhead’s cheeks, the sudden shyness evident in his body language, was one of the most endearing things Kevin thought he’d seen. Okay, so he might be a bit smitten, but who wouldn’t be?

Rubbing his neck with his left hand, Connor slowly blinked at the younger man, as if trying to ascertain whether this was real.

‘Yeah,’ came the quiet answer, after what felt like a minute or two.

‘But keep your tongue to yourself. It’s way too early for that.’

Chuckling at the redhead’s sudden return to a bit of his sassy self, Kevin leaned over to press a quick kiss against his lips. It was a more a peck than anything else, short and sweet, blink-and-you-may-miss-it, but the warmth, _the buzz_ it filled him with would stay for minutes, hours, possibly days.

Across from him, blue eyes looked momentarily dazed and a soft smile lit up Connor’s face as he touched his fingers to his lips, his gaze meeting Kevin’s. The answering smile was so wide the younger man thought it’d split his face in half.

‘Oh gosh, it’s green!’

Their dash across the street came as sudden as Connor’s exclamation. Neither of them noticed, at first, how he’d grabbed Kevin’s hand and practically pulled they young man along.

When he did notice, however, Kevin decided to say nothing for now. He enjoyed the way Connor’s hand laid in his too much; it was like a perfect fit, and comfortably warm, too.

They spoke about everything and nothing, and through some more or less clever questions, Kevin managed to find out a little more about his friend’s life across the pond.

It turned out Connor was, indeed, single, and had pretty much been ever since – something Kevin couldn’t say of himself, considering he’d had a nine-month relationship with one of his (female) colleagues. It had been a rebound for both of them, and amazing in itself, but for the entire time, something, or rather someone, had been missing. 

Walking through the streets of NYC like this, talking about everything and nothing, about Connor’s show and how he taught ballet and tap at a studio at times, it became very, very clear who that someone had been.

If he hadn’t already accepted it, Kevin thought, he probably would’ve been very surprised.

Coming to a halt outside Poptarts’ building, the shuffled around awkwardly, before Connor let out a frustrated sigh and pulled Kevin into yet another hug.

‘Tonight was lovely,’ he said, his voice low.

‘Thank you for being such a great friend, Kev.’

‘You’re welcome,’ the young man mumbled in response, insecurity coloring his voice a little.

As they slowly pulled apart, their eyes met once more. What followed felt, by all means, like it came out of one of the cheesy romcoms Arnold and Naba loved to watch for date night, but Kevin couldn’t bring himself to mind.

For a second, their breaths mingled, before Kevin slowly dove in for another kiss, allowing Connor a way out if he didn’t want this.

It was chaste to start with, innocent, the young man honoring Connor’s earlier wish. But when the redhead let out a shuddering breath against his partner’s lip, Kevin couldn’t resist tentatively touching his tongue to Connor’s. The result was worth it, he thought, as the other man happily reciprocated, deepening the kiss and smiling against his partner’s lips.

Connor’s hands on his upper arms felt amazing, Kevin thought. The other man’s growing confidence prompted the younger man to plant one of his hands in the small of his partner’s back, pulling him closer. At the same time, he turned their bodies just a little to obscure them from direct view.

He didn’t know how long they stood there kissing, slow and deep and savoring every moment, but it was glorious. Connor tasted familiar and enticingly foreign, and the little noises he occasionally made – Kevin liked to imagine they were the results of particularly nice strokes – only fuelled the young man’s desire.

 

Like all good things, it had to end. In their case, a stranger walking down the street, yelling ‘get a room’, broke the spell.

‘Oh, gosh,’ Connor murmured, chewing his lip and scuffing his foot as he looked at Kevin.

‘So…’

‘So?’

‘How long will you be in New York for?’

‘Well, my flight out leaves on Sunday night,’ Connor answered, a soft smile on his lips, as if he knew what was coming.

‘I’d like to see you again.’ Why did Kevin’s voice suddenly sound so shaky?

‘Think we can make it?’

At that, Connor turned pensive, squinting at Kevin as if deep in thought.

‘Well, I’ll have to shuffle some things around, but… how about I call you, and we’ll set something up?’

Then he smiled, as if he suddenly had the most brilliant idea, before going back to insecure; the look he threw Kevin, from below his lashes, was coy, though, downright teasing.

‘I mean, if it doesn’t work out, you could always come visit me in London? 

At that, Kevin had to laugh. Trust Connor to make the most of a potentially unsatisfactory situation, to make the situation _better_.

‘We’ll see about that. For now, we should probably say goodbye, though – I might be off tomorrow, but you must be jetlagged, and I’d hate to keep you awake.’

All he received was a nod, before Connor leaned in to steal another quick kiss. It was undeniably sweet, and Kevin’s heart ached with the knowledge that he possibly could’ve had this years earlier, if he hadn’t been such a dick.

‘Good night,’ he murmured against the redhead’s lips, feeling rather than hearing the response.

He watched as Connor made his way into the lobby, waited for an elevator – all the while tapping his foot – and finally, gave a cheery little wave just before the doors closed, a bright smile on his face.

Then, Kevin was alone. Alone with himself, his thoughts and the unbelievable, indescribable happiness pumping through his veins, the exhilarating feeling of what had just happened making him feel like floating. 

He’d kissed Connor McKinley. He’d kissed Connor McKinley, and it hadn’t been a dream, and the world didn’t seem to be ending either.

He’d kissed Connor McKinley, Connor McKinley had kissed him back and neither of them seemed to be wanting to make a runner this time.

Subconsciously, he’d started making his way towards the Subway, his mind occupied with other things, when the buzz of his phone woke Kevin from what had turned from musings into very pleasant daydreaming.

It was a series of texts from Connor. The first one, Kevin was amused to notice, was a picture of the redhead. A purple hood covering his hair and a soft, albeit a little cheeky, smile lighting up on his face, he could’ve looked innocent, if it wasn’t for his lips, still plump and pink from all the kissing.

[Connor, 23:00] I’ve got something of yours.  
[Connor, 23:01] Meet me a Broadway Dance Center tmrw at 8:30 and I’ll return it. I’ll take you out to breakfast or brunch, too. (:

Kevin couldn’t hold in the little squeal, or the fist pump; his nervous energy had to go somewhere, after all.

[Kevin, 23:03] It’s a date!  
[Connor, 23:05] I can’t wait to see you again! x

 Smiling at the screen, the former missionary pocketed his phone and descended the stairs into the station, just catching the train. His mind was already hours ahead, trying to decide on what to wear.

He only hoped there would be more kissing. And maybe he should look at flights to London, too.

 

///////////////

 

On the 15th floor, Connor McKinley was leaning against the closed front door of his best friend’s apartment, watching as his black cat slunk into the room.

He couldn’t help the excited little giggle escaping, but immediately slapped his hands over his mouth, hoping he hadn’t woken Poptarts.

Mere seconds later, the man in question popped his head around the corner, looking the redhead up and down before a grin lit up his face.

‘Well, someone’s happy,’ he said, making his way into the room to sit on the sofa. 

‘I take it tonight went well, then, and he doesn’t hate you after all.’

‘Oh, gosh, Chris, it was perfect,’ Connor started, before hesitating for a second. He knew he’d be gushing if he continued, but he had to tell someone or his heart would stop because it couldn’t cope with all the feelings.

‘Don’t give me that look, it really was! We talked, which at first wasn’t all that great, and the show was amazing, and then he walked me home!’

Keeping his eyes trained on his friend, Poptarts just raised an eyebrow.

‘You made out, didn’t you?’

‘What makes you think that?’

‘For one, your sappy grin… but well, your lips do look a bit swollen.’

With a smug little smile, he got up and made his way over to where Connor was still leaning against the door, looking a little dazed as he touched his lips.

‘Hey, Con… I’m happy for you. Really, genuinely happy,’ he said, before giving the redhead a hug.

‘But please tell him that I’ll string him up by his best bits if he hurts you.’

Giving his best friend a cheeky wink, he made his way back into his bedroom, leaving Connor only in the company of Mr Mistoffelees, who found himself promptly scooped up and cuddled close as Connor contemplated what had happened.

He’d kissed Kevin Price. Or rather, he’d been kissed by Kevin Price. The one person Connor always wanted, the one person he had nearly _had_ , before his stupid brain, and his stupid parents, and the whole stupid world had come between them. 

The small of his back still felt like it was burning where Kevin’s had had laid while they had been kissing, and the redhead’s lips were still tingling, just a little.

He’d been kissed by Kevin Price, and he’d kissed him back, and there had been no panic, no guilt, nothing but warmth and the cliché butterflies in his stomach.

For the first time since his diagnosis, since starting therapy and anti-depressants and coming to terms with himself, Connor felt like he was seconds away from self-combusting with happiness.

It was the best feeling in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by an actual exchange I witnessed a few weeks ago. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this little thing - I'm trying not to be too angsty and hope I did a good job!


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